It's been an interesting arrival back in Bali. I wondered how I was going to feel coming back after five years away. Knowing Bali has been like my soul home and means so much to me, I was curious as to how I would feel when I finally got back here.
“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”
Azar Nafisi
And it was interesting because when the day came to travel, like getting to Auckland and then the flight the next day, I was just feeling really calm and peaceful. I wasn't excited at all, which took me by surprise. I had a wonderful flight, and when I first saw Mount Agung rising through the clouds as we came into land, my heart swelled. I’m here.
One thing I always imagine when I’m in New Zealand is that first arrival at Denpasar airport. Bali has its own smell of warm humidity and the spicy sweet fragrance of frangipani and incense. So, I was breathing in deeply the aroma of Bali as I walked through the terminal, a wide smile on my face. The dream now a reality.
It was really awesome to see my driver when I came out through immigration. To see his big bright beaming smile as our eyes connected. We recognised each other instantly after all this time and it was really awesome to be greeted by a familiar face.
When we arrived at the place I usually stay in Sanur I was expecting to be really emotional, but I wasn't. In my mind when in New Zealand I would always get tearful thinking of that moment of arriving back. But the emotion didn’t come. Just stillness and calm.
I was delighted to see an upgraded pool at Segara Agung, and after unpacking I went down to the beach for a light dinner (my body was still in NZ time and it was around 11pm). A buddha bowl under the moonlight was perfect.
My 1st day back on Bali soil started perfectly. A wonderful breakfast by the pool, then a meander along the beachfront walkway of Sanur to my massage. My feet, not used to my shoes and the heat ended up with painful blisters, and I was dehydrated by the time I got there. But my 90 minute massage at Koa Boutique Spa (the ONLY place to go for a quality massage in Sanur) was pure bliss!
In comparison, my afternoon didn't go according to plan, with a set-to with a local money changer and then my back going on me. Annoyed with myself and in pain I stayed in my room, taking anti-infams (don't travel without Voltarin!). I know why my back went - mostly because I was dehydrated but also I think the emotional and physical pressure I'd put myself through the past 3 months had finally caught up with me. I know hydrated cells heal, so I drank water like a fish and by the time I went to bed my back was feeling so much better - from seized and painful, to tentively moving about and mostly pain free I was amazed!
Day 2 saw me meet Yogi for the first time in five years. Again, it was not the reunion I was planning, or anticipating it would be. I had just got out of the pool and the next minute there he is behind me. I just felt really peaceful and calm, like I’d only seen him yesterday. I didn't have a massive well of emotion. Neither of us did actually, even though when we videoed countless times in the past months we would get quite emotional about seeing each other again. The reality of the moment was very different.
I'm finding it all quite fascinating. I'm getting the embodiment of ‘there's no such thing as time.’ Because now I'm here, it's like I've never left, yet it's been five years. When I was in New Zealand I was yearning, yearning, yearning to be back, and now I'm here, it's like those five years are not even a distant memory. It's like they just havn’t existed. Maybe it’s the well-ingrained familiarity of everything, I don’t really know. But I'm full of awareness of how I'm feeling about things and what I thought would be powerful emotions just aren't there. I’m finding that fascinating in itself.
But I'm only on day three day and I've got a long way to go because I'm here for almost two months. I’m just curious to see what unfolds... see how I unfold. It’s been an interesting journey thus far and I'm certainly not yearning to be back in New Zealand that’s for sure! But I just wanted to share the whole thing around time, that it's a man-made concept and it actually doesn't exist. I'm sort of getting it. I know that sounds really weird, but yeah, I just feel like I've been transported. Not back in time, but that I've just been transported. The only difference is when I look in the mirror, I know I'm five years older, I can see I’m five years older, but as for the rest of it, it's like I have never left.
I'll leave you with some images of special times with my boy... and yes, I introduced him to my Crazy Cat Lady ways, although we didn't go inside the Cat Cafe, just had a peek... and I started reading him Silent Warrior - Transformation...
#followyourdreams #keepgoing #warriorspirit #silentwarrior #baliwisdom