I’m feeling emotional as I write this. Sometimes the pain of others shows you how far you’ve come… what you’ve overcome, to be where you are right now. And it’s an ever-evolving process, but I’ll relish in the deep gratitude I’m feeling at this moment in time.
In November 2022 I celebrated 6 years of self-employment. But also in November, I was just about done with it all and I was looking for jobs. In a last ditched attempt to change things, I had signed up for Penny Green’s, The Year of You course – 12 months of mentorship into the workings of energy, of manifestation, of chakra balancing, and all that woo woo stuff.
Penny kept telling me to “take your hands off the wheel, stop trying to control everything.” So, in December, in the black hole of despair, and in desperation, I did. I said to the universe, “I give up. If you want me to help people, you need to send them to me.” Can I say I was suddenly overrun with enquiries – no. But I did feel less overwhelmed and stressed. In short, I gave myself permission to SURRENDER and see what would happen.
So, what happened? I had a major base chakra balance up with a very talented practitioner that's also in Penny's group (base chakra is our foundation for EVERYTHING). I relaxed. I trusted. And every day I've told myself to take my hands of the wheel. It is a conscious thing I say to myself. So, even over the expensive Christmas period I still had enough money coming in to survive. I survived on my part-time bodywork business. My website business dried up two months prior. And when my bank balance got down to $28, I kept trusting, and then another client would book in.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not a great way to live… stressing over when the next $ is going to come in. But the quieter work time I’ve experienced over the last month has given me the quality time I’ve needed to get my book into the finishing stages - and after 11 years, that’s something to celebrate in itself! The universe knew I needed this time and it orchestrated things to give it to me. But I had to listen. And I had to trust (again) - big time.
Now, back to my reason for writing this. The pain of others shows you how far you’ve come. I have a friend who hates her job with a passion, and alongside that she has some major life decisions to make which have a deadline. I’ve been there, I can totally relate. It’s debilitating and it affects our health hugely. I can empathise, but it’s a journey we must make on our own. God I remember being there - it took me two years to leave my rented home and go out house sitting (three years on I’m still loving it). And I had many a sleepless night worrying about leaving my full-time stable job six years ago not knowing what I would do. But I had to leave, it was slowly killing me (and that's no exaggeration).
We all have choice. Stay in a job you hate. Stay in a relationship you know isn't working. Keep eating junk food when you know you need to eat better. Keep sitting on your bum watching tv instead of getting out and going for a walk. We choose. Every. Single. Day. And the only reason we stay where we know we don't belong is out of fear of the unknown. 'What if...' Yep, what if your life expands into something better... what if your health improves... you can sleep at night...
Which brings me to this point. Six years on, after the rollercoaster of everything (including Covid), I’m feeling good about my life. I’m feeling good about my decisions. I’m feeling excited about 2023 and the things I have percolating…
Today I can breathe. Today I have faith. Today as I head out to a café to do some work (because I call the shots), I have three new website clients. So, today I am grateful.
Now it's your turn. What are you grateful for today? How far have you come? Or do you need to make different choices?